S1: EPISODE 9 - THE BATTLE OF SHIELDS WIDE
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Captain Cecaelia and her crew continues to make their way through the very bowels of Snarf's Dungeon, hoping that the next door they pass through might be the door home. The door the choose however, doesn't lead them home, instead it leads them into a room with a strange magical box that projects moving images. The adventurers are sucked into the box and find themselves transformed into Orc-kind on the wall of a great fortress on the cusp of a terrible siege.
They are now in a scene crafted from Brakka's memories, defending the fortress of Shields Wide from an army of up-tight racist elves. They interrogate a defector from the elf army, the elf prince named Cellador, and learn about the elves' battle plan. But before they can fully take advantage of the information, the elves attack!! Sending wave after wave of suburban moms to sap their defenses.
An epic battle ensues at the gates of Shields Wide: Brakka is caught with her warg riders in a devious trap, Lavar turns himself into a dragon and terrifies the elf lines, "Cookie" makes a series of very sound tactical decisions that all fail because Captain Cecaelia's battalions were put in FRONT of the wall, completely missing the point of even having fortifications.
All their efforts are to no avail, however, as the elf forces prove too much for the valiant defenders. Then, just as things look darkest for the orcs of Shields Wide, Brakka challenges the King of the Elves to a dance-off to decide the battle. An Even More epic dance off commences and quickly turns into an embarrassing rap-battle due to the limitations of our chosen media. Regardless, Brakka is victorious!!!! And the Elf-king, defeated, withdraws his forces and makes peace.
The epic battle over and the capricious Snarf entertained, the adventurers return deeper into the maze with the knowledge that there are only two more doors left before Snarf is at last vulnerable enough to confront. Suddenly, they are beckoned toward another door by enticing aromas of homey spices and hearty stewed meats, who's story could possibly be behind this door? Find out this week, on NO DICE.