March 21, 2019

"Cookie" Flintiron's Famous Stone Soup

 


 

  • 1 GALLONS OF WATER
  • 1 STONE (TATER SIZE)                             

    Serves: How many it suites you

    Directions:

    Get yourself a pot and fill her up with water then build yourself a fire in a public place. Make sure that lots of folks is around what going to be curious about what you doing with a pot of water on a fire. Hang the pot over the fire. Don't put the pot on the fire or the contents of the pot in the fire or you won't have a fire no more. Rince a stone that you can hold in your hand, about the size of a tater. Now once you got that fire a going and the pot a bubbling over make a big old show about how you are gonna put the stone in the pot and make the most delicious soup you ever did ate. Say something like "OOOOWEEEE!! GOOD THING I GOT THIS STONE HERE!! THIS HERE STONE GONNA MAKE A GOOD STEW YESIREE! AND I AIN'T GONNA SHARE IT WITH NO ONE!! NO SIR!" or some such. Now you can use a tater. But if you got a tater I suggest making something with the tater instead of stone soup. Also folks ain't going to get a curious if you talking about making a tater soup, and folks is going to get suspicious of you if you lie about the tater and say it's a stone. So a stone is better, specially if it's about the size of a tater.

    Now that the stone is starting to boil. Start getting REAL excited. Stir the pot a bit and taste it and make big loud yummy sounds and chuckle to yourself along the lines of "ooooh, it's almost there!! HEEE HEEE it's almost there!" Until you get someone coming over to see what you up to. TIP: If no-one comes, just shout at a stranger passing by and get them to taste the soup, you could say "Hey you, I bet you can't make no soup so good as this!" or "Excuse me, would you mind trying this and seeing if it's too salty" remember, be creative, there's no wrong way to trick a person into tasting your stone soup.

    Once they taste it and tell you it just tastes like boiling water (and maybe dirt if you didn't rinse off your stone) act suprised. Taste it again, and tell them they are right, and all it really neads are some taters (or parsnips or carots any starchy root vegtable really) and if they could find you some you would be happy to share.

    TIP: Always start with the starchy stuff first as in they takes the longest to cook, you don't want no raw potatoes in your soup if you gonna say it's the best soup you ever made.

    Next you're gonna wanna get another person to find you some meat, now usually we would wait to last to put the meat on but remember, you are trusting a stranger to get it and they most like ain't gonna know the difference between a hanger and a butt so you best off cooking the hell outa whatever they brought ya.


     

    TIP: Ask for something on the bone so you can get that sweet marrow in the broth there. MMMM-MMMM. 

    Next, in this order, get someone to bring you: Onions (peel and chop them onions rough before you drop them in), parsley (chop it rough again), some kind of spice (any kind of spice you can get your hands on and put as much in as they give you), one hot pepper (chop and remove the seeds if you can't stomachflavor), and then accept anything anyone wants to give you.

    TIP: Don't accept to beans though, beans is gotta soak first, if you just drop in beans, you get crunchy beans, nobody likes crunchy beans.

    Once you got all the ingredients up to a boil, heave the pot off the fire, cover it and let it simmer. Take a nap. Then keep napping. Just let it simmer until folks lose interest in your soup. If they ask you when it's gonna be ready just say, "oh not yet, not yet." and then laugh to yourself like you got a secret. That should unsettle them enough to leave you be.

    As soon as you're all alone, serve yourself some, enjoy, and kick the rest on the fire, and RUN LIKE HELL.

    Cookie Flintiron
    Cookie Flintiron
    He’s been mixin brews and a stirring stews for the best explorers, dungeoners and heroes since before your oldest pappy elf been born. Him and his mule Daisy. He ain't too keen on them fancy dancy weapons ooky spooky magics you'ens think is so damned impressive, all he needs to defend hisself is his good bonin knife, his iron skillet, and his pouch of secret homestyle herbs and spices.

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